Since my last post, I have been on holiday back to the homeland (Germany) and surprising my uncle for his birthday in Canada. I do love the land of the maple leaf! Even though my cousins liked to make fun of anything English really. Oh well.
Germany was really nice. Got to see my "old" friends again and met my new baby cousin. However, baby's older siblings made me realise, how much of an age gap there is between me and them.
Ok, before I go into that, I should mention that both my cousins pretty much grew up with me. When the older one was born, we went to see her at the hospital and from then on, we'd see each other once a week. We were really close! So close, in fact, that she'd cry everytime they came round to visit and it was hometime already. One day they left us and my aunty had to call us as soon as they got into the door, because she would not stop crying. So, we were close! When she was 4, her brother was born and she'd spend a lot more time with us. Everytime our families met, I'd practically go off with them, playing children's games. Bear in mind, I am 11 years older than my girl cousin. 7 years ago, she would have been 9. we moved to England. I was gutted, and still am, about the fact that I wouldn't be able to be a part of her life anymore. I mean, who is going to educate her in terms of music, or films?!
Now she is 16, her brother 12, and... she is very grown up! We chat online and keep in touch, thanks to modern technology. But exactly that is what made me feel really old! My 12 year old cousin had to show me how to do certain things on my iPod touch (like taking screen shots.). I would have found out how to do it myself, i just never needed to know. Which made me think: these kids seem to do so much with their gadgets! I would watch them chat away on their iPods, browse the net for cute pictures and quotes to post on tumblr whilst on the phone to their friends, edit photos like pros before putting them up on facebook or instagram, even how they take picture has changed! Whether it's a camera or a phone or an iPod. Keep pressing the button whilst slightly changing your pose and/or angle with every click. I felt old. And even though I like my tech, I do think it is kinda scary to see, how these kids grow up in a half-real/half-virtual world!
When we first had internet, it was dial-up. We had to unplug the phone, plug in the ethernet cable, wait for a few minutes for the funny sounds to finish and then we had to watch the time. Cause the longer you spend on the internet, the more expensive it would get. And while I love not having to deal with THAT anymore, it does surprise me, how much has changed in just 10 years. So, if I feel this old and not "down-with-the-kids" now, what's it going to be like in another 5 to 10 years?
Although I turned 27 this month, I really do not feel like 27 at all! 10 years ago, I would have probably thought: "27 is a good age to have your first kid. Of course I'd be married with house and all that". I don't even know what my ideal career would be, unless "lottery winner" counts as a possible career?!
My cousin's lives are moving so fast. It's all about how many likes you get on facebook and taking and posting the most professional-looking pics. It just kinda scares me.
So, as you can tell, that was an eye-opening holiday. It does make me think about where I am at the moment and where I want to go. Except, the latter is not really that easy to answer. Almost 30 (whoa, that feels weird typing that up), i have a degree that does not really get me anywhere ( i wish i had been clever- and studious- enough to do a "proper" degree like....something science-y. Wouldn't have worked, would it?), my job was meant to be temporary, 2 years on I am getting stressed out about silly work-related problems, I get miserable, because I am not enjoying working anymore, even worse: I can not find anything else because I have not the (right) experience or the necessary qualifications. Not really helpful, is it.
Oh well. I know "your life's in your own hands" and "if you want change, you have to initiate it" and all that, but I am truly finding it hard to see how. So for now it's: "Keep your chin up" and "something good will come along". And of course: Keep playing the lottery.
Quite a long post, but it has been MONTHS since the last one. There had been a few things I wanted to write about, but never knew, if it'd be worth it.
So, thanks for reading!
x ♥ x
