LIFE | What's my age?

It has been a while since my last post. There had been things I thought I should write down, but I guess I never really thought them important enough to put them down here. But, with me turning older I figured it was time for a new post.

Turned 28 on the 9th. There, I said it. I have revealed my age. I suppose it is about time I accept the fact that I am not 21 anymore and nor will I be in the future. After that busdriver incident, where, upon a busdriver asking me for my age, I panicked and blurted out "24" after dismissing my initial thought of saying "21" (hey, 21 is the safe age. Everywere you go you'll be fine with 21, right?!). I had to really think about this for a minute. How old am I? Probably doesn't help that me and my friends jokingly keep telling each other we were indeed 21 or whatever under 25 age we fancy at the time. I don't think I convinced myself to be younger than I am, it's just... well, I was expecting to be somewhere else at this point. 

I mean, I am 28, currently jobless and - apparently -not exactly packed with a huge variety of desired skills, or experience, especially not the ones needed for my dream job ( I am still not quite sure which one it actually is), I live at home- yes, I am Asian, but I refuse to use that as an excuse ... sometimes- and at nearly 30, I am feeling very anxious about the future. Life in your early 20s just seemed so much more promising. You just left university; yay, finally out of education, and after spending all that money and time you just go out there and get that big shot job. 

After the first few weeks you realise, the big job isn't happening as expected, but you need money. Well, I have customer service experience, I'll just apply and work till I can get that dream position. Yeah, right. Once you start your job, it is actually very difficult to get back to that ideal career path. So many people I have worked with had been stuck in a job they did not like, as it was meant to be the "transition-job", but never quite manage to get out of it. 

Personally, in the past I could not find the energy to jobhunt after work. Working in retail is exhausting. I don't care how many people think it's just some easy shop-job, it's not. You carry around heavy stock, you have to move stock, you have to pay attention to a million things at a time, customers, your section, fellow workmates, prevent problems, solve problems.... it is very draining. That was the reason I had left when I did. I figured it was the perfect time financially for me, and work-wise, well, things were not as nice as they used to be, so in order to get back to a more positive self, I had to remove myself from there. 

Unfortunately, it has now been 6 months. Jobhunt is frustrating, I either don't have the work experience, not the right qualifications, I failed to do masses of internships when I was younger and now it is even harder to find somewhere that offers you the experience, without hundreds of (younger and more experienced) people also applying for it. I even started considering a masters. I know it's possibly the worst thing to think about when you are jobless, but it adds an extra qualification. To be fair, I would not start a masters course without making sure that it would definitely secure me a desirable position upon completion. Let's be real, how many courses do that? 

28. Bachelor in Film Studies, yet no work experience within the field, which btw also happens to be one of the most competitive ones. I have tried convincing possible employers that my skills gained in retail will be just as useful for their roles, but I was not convincing enough. So I go back to retail, but retail is sat there thinking "If you left your job to change your career, why would you want to come back here? You won't stay. No, thank you." Poop. 

Fortunately for me, I know that I am not the only one out there. This is not a good thing, but at least I know it is not just me. Not just me approaching the big three oh, not just me having to live with mommy and daddy and feel like a teenager again, not just me being nowhere near the whole "married with kids"-scenario (why did I think that the twenties were THE age to do all that? Can I blame popular culture for that sentiment?), not just me not having a clue what to do with life. 

Anyways, the original point of this post was, I at an age where I thought I would have figured it all out. But now I have reached this point I know that I indeed haven't. I sometimes feel more confused than a pubescent human, but then I have days where I think "Sure, I have not achieved all my goals, whichever ones they were, but I have a comfortable life. I have a roof over my head, I can feed myself, I have amazing friends. I just have to keep trying to achieve the rest."

And I don't think, that I have to "act 28". How do 28-year olds supposedly act anyways? I like the fact that I still think like a child sometimes and get amused by little things. So, as long as it has not any negative effects on anyone, I shall not feel pressured into having to try and be all adult! I have enough common sense to know how to act appropriately in certain situations. Therefore, I won't feel guilty about spending time on tumblr and "fan-girling" like I lost a decade or laugh at stupid gifs. Life's too short!

I know this has been a long ass post. If you made it all the way to the end: Thank you! You deserve a medal! I don't think I would read all this myself.....

Have a lovely day, don't give up hope if you are in a similar situation. 

x ♥ x